person (3/14/2006 5:55:22 PM): well-------i was just nosing around on your blog-------and your writings--------you are kind of a searcher it seems-------that always intrigues me a bit more than someone who always seems to find truth (loses it three days later) but finds it again-------the search--it seems to me--------is the thing
goldmourn (3/14/2006 5:56:16 PM): wow - yes, searching, i suppose that's quite a good way to put it.
person (3/14/2006 5:56:48 PM): had that thought not entered your mind before?----it just sort of jumped out at me
goldmourn (3/14/2006 5:57:58 PM): Oh, I already knew that I search. It's just no stranger had ever IM'd me to say that before.
person (3/14/2006 5:58:15 PM): ahhhhhhhhh-----------ok
(3/14/2006 5:58:45 PM): well i guess it is sort of a whack in the gut to have some random damned note telling you what you already knew
(3/14/2006 5:58:56 PM): well----------you took it with grace !
goldmourn (3/14/2006 5:59:57 PM): not so much, but it is quite interesting! & thank you. I know that I'm still learning / searching / finding my way & losing it again, rinse & repeat.
person (3/14/2006 6:00:38 PM): well --------------may that never end
(3/14/2006 6:01:28 PM): i think it sort of equates (searching --that is) with a certain thrill of discovery---and that plus passion seems to pretty much be a large part of the definition of happiness to me
goldmourn (3/14/2006 6:03:00 PM): That's a good equation. I don't disagree with that, although happiness is found in other ways too of course. Though I suppose passsion would still be part of it - compassion / giving / etc ?
person (3/14/2006 6:03:16 PM): yes
(3/14/2006 6:03:18 PM): all of that i think
(3/14/2006 6:04:43 PM): and more-------as you mention---but it seems to me without that passion-----its just more fleeting than permanant
(3/14/2006 6:04:46 PM): so what do you want?
(3/14/2006 6:04:50 PM): do you know what you look for?
(3/14/2006 6:04:56 PM): what you want?
(3/14/2006 6:04:58 PM): and why?
(3/14/2006 6:05:00 PM): and even
(3/14/2006 6:05:01 PM): where?
goldmourn (3/14/2006 6:05:48 PM): Not really. I think that makes life all the more interesting. I've been learning to let go of expectations.
person (3/14/2006 6:06:11 PM): and substitute what?
goldmourn (3/14/2006 6:06:52 PM): substitute nothing - i breathe, i live, i do, i learn, i love, i give, i continue until i stop.
person (3/14/2006 6:07:38 PM): fair enough-----------
(3/14/2006 6:08:01 PM): have you changed?--what made you decide that "expectations" were not such a good thing?
goldmourn (3/14/2006 6:09:02 PM): when you don't place expectations on people / relationships / situations, it leaves room for growth, surprise, discovery - see?
(3/14/2006 6:09:19 PM): it's something i keep re-learning.
person (3/14/2006 6:09:50 PM): i think thats hard to do
(3/14/2006 6:09:55 PM): but if it works-----------well then
(3/14/2006 6:10:16 PM): but i am not certain it is possible to be all that existential
(3/14/2006 6:10:24 PM): even they (Existentialists) had them
(3/14/2006 6:10:31 PM): expectations that is
goldmourn (3/14/2006 6:10:40 PM): of course - that's why I am continually re-learning how.
person (3/14/2006 6:12:46 PM): so are you getting better at it?
goldmourn (3/14/2006 6:13:24 PM): yes, i think so.
person (3/14/2006 6:14:42 PM): well--------i repeat---i just found what you said and some of the ways you said it---interesting----and i wish you well on the journey---the stops along the way ought to be fun too---i assume you are making them
goldmourn (3/14/2006 6:15:20 PM): Yes, most definitely. & thank you for having looked at the page & shared your thoughts with me.
person (3/14/2006 6:15:58 PM): go get em girl---------(god that seemed trite but i meant it-----so what the hell---)
goldmourn (3/14/2006 6:16:29 PM): ha ! cute. & thanks.
person (3/14/2006 6:20:40 PM): bye
goldmourn (3/14/2006 6:21:09 PM): take care!
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