goldmourn (amberdawnpullin) wrote,

& it all comes back around eventually.

background story: you wouldn't believe it - it's too bizarre. i've a lot to explain about this one. & yes, I specifically asked certain questions because I've wanted to know for the longest time what he'd say. After this conversation, I was rather ill in the washroom. It's pathetic & sad that he'd think I'd be that stupid, again. The other night I was IM'd out of nowhere by Ric. (Long-time old-timer's on my friends list, no worries, this was not Guy contacting me). I shared this conversation with two of the other women who had also been his girlfriend at the time while he was telling me all this bullshit. They wanted to know some things (they haven't heard from him for months, either) which is why the conversation went on like it did. Months ago, when I unwittingly unraveled that he not only had a live-in girlfriend, but nearly a dozen (at least, that we found & counted!) online relationships happening simultaneously with none of us any the wiser, well, of course I was then (again) labeled as psycho. He begged, pleaded and attempted to continue to manipulate each girl to believe him and he put the blame on me as just being the liar. It was sickening. This all went down just before I ended up in the hospital on I.V. for a week with gallbladder infection - actually, the hospital was a break from the huge dramafest that it turned out to be. Basically, it became a mission to tell the truth to all the girls & women we could find that were being lied to by him. If this happened on LJ instead of Yahoo, you can bet it would have been a serious thing for the fake investigation communities. On the positive side, I've developed a close friendship with some people out of all this and friendships are always a good thing so yay for that. If you do happen to read this, don't cringe when you read me saying something that seems like I was giving him the time of day - I know well enough he's likely a compulsive liar. Also, he's a dumbass. Then again, so was I. This was one of those "you think you're in a relationship with someone on the internet and it turns out it none of it was real" things. I have a feeling this happens way more than it should.

* He's got a 360 under one of his old names. He uses a picture of the guitarist from 'System of a Down' to pass off as his own. & he's had hundreds of different screen names.

edit / 01 March 2006: when I went to clear my archive, it showed this screen name - ric_of_the_pagan_saints - which led me to his new 360 profile, with all new girls but the same old lies.

edit / much later: in another twist, the live-in girlfriend he had, discovered after he left, via a received letter, that Ric had a wife and a child somewhere, and she was accused of being a homewrecker. This young girl had lived with Ric for 4 years and had no idea that he had ever been married. It just goes to show how much of a liar this man is / was. Very scary internet story.

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fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:20:46 PM): ok i know u hate me but I have to say I cant get u outta my mind and am so damn sorry but hey I dont blame u if u dont wanna talk to me
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:21:33 PM): i don't hate anyone.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:21:41 PM): yeah u do
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:21:44 PM): u hate me
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:21:59 PM): why would i hate you?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:22:11 PM): cause I said Id not hurt u and I did
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:22:20 PM): and yes it kills me
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:23:16 PM): well, it sucks, what you did. but i don't hate you.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:23:25 PM): u know who I am
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:23:27 PM): ?
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:23:42 PM): i can guess with the 007 bit, yeah.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:23:55 PM): ok
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:24:09 PM): well amber I still miss u...u was great to me
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:24:21 PM): and u still look pretty as ever
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:25:01 PM): thank you. & yeah, I tried to be good, considering I was out of a bad relationship - thought I was getting into a good one & then that whole thing happened. It hurt, yeah.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:25:57 PM): yeah it hurt me too amber and u know what even though I fucked up I still think of u alot
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:27:07 PM): i've thought of you too. Mostly though, have tried to figure out why you did that. I thought I was your babydoll & that you loved me ... & i guess i wasn't & you didn't.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:27:23 PM): no dont think that
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:27:42 PM): u was and will always be even though Im scum to u
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:28:24 PM): i don't think you're scum.
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:29:08 PM): i thought we had something. it meant something to me when you said you cared about me / loved me / wanted me. & then all that shit happened. & you never explained why.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:29:30 PM): u know what though I still read ur live journal
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:29:53 PM): i keep most entries under a friends only lock - but yeah?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:30:01 PM): yeah
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:30:27 PM): I like ur pics and the ones of u
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:30:33 PM): thank you...
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:30:45 PM): amber i hate myself really
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:30:55 PM): u was so good for me
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:31:27 PM): ....what took you so long to IM me, Ric?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:31:35 PM): cause i was scared
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:31:44 PM): I hated me and will always
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:32:06 PM): I think it hurt me most of all that you were trying to make up with all the other girls, but you didn't think I was worth saying one word to...
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:32:40 PM): no I didnt try to make up with any after u I shut down
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:32:47 PM): I talk to none of em now
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:33:04 PM): ur the only one I have came back to
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:33:08 PM): but you did try to make up with the other girls - to stay with them - you didn't talk to me...
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:33:21 PM): well they are gone
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:33:29 PM): ur the only one
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:33:43 PM): Ive came back to
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:33:43 PM): besides your real life girlfriend, right?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:34:05 PM): ok we do still live together but we have no relationship
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:34:12 PM): she does her thing
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:34:31 PM): oh.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:34:58 PM): but amber I just want u to know I miss u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:35:07 PM): even though that means crap to u
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:35:33 PM): i missed you too - i missed the Ric I thought I was with. The whole thing left me very confused about everything.
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:36:25 PM): Is it true that you told the other girls that I'm a psycho with mental problems? & that I was never your girl? because that always bothered me.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:36:42 PM): omgs amber nooooooo
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:37:00 PM): really? because that hurt a lot - i cried a lot over that.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:37:21 PM): and after all this happened someone stole my identity and started even more shit
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:37:50 PM): I know who did but they deny it
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:38:08 PM): oh man. i wondered what happened. well. what am I supposed to do? I mean, that was a lot of hurt. I actually thought you & I were boyfriend / girlfriend, Ric.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:38:44 PM): I did too amber i just took it all for granted and the one peson I really cared about I hurt
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:39:03 PM): but after that I just faded away for a while
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:39:57 PM): well, i don't know what to say. I really didn't think I'd hear from you again.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:40:53 PM): hun I wanted to talk to u but like I said I just thought u would tell me fuck off but I said today Im talking to u and if u said fuck off then fine
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:41:17 PM): well, i'm not saying fuck off.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:41:44 PM): amber I miss u and Ill never forgive myself what i did
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:42:02 PM): I been thinking of u all the time
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:42:14 PM): really? you really thought of me?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:42:20 PM): yes hun
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:42:37 PM): when shes not here I sit here and look at ur pics and cry
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:42:56 PM): Im crying
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:43:53 PM): wow - really? i didn't know you even thought of me. Ric, when that all went down - when I found out you had other girlfriends, it hurt me in so many ways. it was humiliating. Here I was, trying to trust in love - & it was all made up?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:44:10 PM): no
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:44:23 PM): what i had for u was luv
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:44:32 PM): the others was just company
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:44:43 PM): but i dont do that now
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:44:55 PM): I learned my lesson
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:45:03 PM): really? that was love you had for me?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:45:31 PM): yes baby I realized it unfortunatly late
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:45:43 PM): after all that I still missed just u
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:45:55 PM): yeah, a lot has happened since that all went down.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:45:57 PM): I dream bout u still
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:46:18 PM): whats happened?
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:46:32 PM): well, for one thing. I stopped being so stupid.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:46:39 PM): k
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:47:15 PM): & I've learned that just because someone says something that feels real - it could just be they're playing a game with me. & that they're full of shit.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:47:29 PM): k
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:48:26 PM): What I felt for you was real Ric. & then it turns out your entire life was a lie. & that you were hurting other women with those lies. & now the good memories I have of us, I remember, but it could never make up for this.
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:48:58 PM): thanks for IM'ing me though. Finally. I wondered if you had a second thought about me at all. & now I know you did. So thanks for that.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:49:15 PM): yeah amber
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:49:35 PM): well if I could ID START OVER AND NOT PLAY WITH U LIKE THAT
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:49:38 PM): damn caps
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:50:26 PM): start over? You mean, just go back to when I thought it was just you & me - back to when we had our plans to have a future together? back to when I thought you loved me?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:50:47 PM): yeah reverse time
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:51:13 PM): but i cant so I have to live with it
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:52:16 PM): well, guess what - I actually somehow managed to gather up some sense of self in that mess - & I'm actually glad it happened. & you should try to figure out who you are & what you really want, Ric, because life is fleeting.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:52:41 PM): amber thats what I been doin
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:52:55 PM): & you want me?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:53:21 PM): ugh I dont wanna say amber
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:53:37 PM): so you don't want me.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:53:38 PM): just think this..............
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:53:40 PM): okay.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:53:57 PM): I came back to talk to just u
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:54:13 PM): alright.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:54:44 PM): and if that tells u anything then u should know how I feel
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:55:30 PM): but theres noway u will ever ever trust me for anything
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:55:43 PM): and i dont blame u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:55:55 PM): amber????
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:58:01 PM): ric, what did you expect me to say?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:58:17 PM): I wasnt done talking amber
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:58:22 PM): okay.
goldmourn (2/23/2006 8:58:34 PM): you had more ?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:58:38 PM): yes
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:58:45 PM): listen...........
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:58:57 PM): I still luv u thats never changed
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:59:03 PM): I think of u alot
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:59:08 PM): I fucked up yes
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:59:29 PM): and I know I took the best thing that ever happened and fucked it up
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:59:45 PM): and I still will never forget u amber
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 8:59:54 PM): cause u was the best for me
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:00:07 PM): ....i remember sharing our dreams, Ric. dreams - the actual dreams we had when sleeping - & that meant so much to me - was any of it real?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:00:18 PM): yes all of it
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:00:21 PM): owwwwww
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:00:25 PM): ouchh
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:00:39 PM): hey can we voice my hands cramping
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:01:21 PM): its hard to type
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:01:38 PM): i have to get the mic. & the least that should happen is your hands cramp - dammit ric, I thought we loved each other.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:02:01 PM): I did
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:02:57 PM): ok amber i know I did wrong but dont bring my parkinsons in this
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:03:13 PM): its hell enough then wish it on me
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:04:00 PM): .... i don't wish it on you. I don't think I could handle hearing you right now. We used voice chat all the time - you know? back when I thought I was your only girlfriend...
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:04:16 PM): please amber
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:04:26 PM): I wanna still talk
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:04:33 PM): but my hands shaky
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:05:01 PM): ric, someone else loves me, for real now.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:05:10 PM): oh
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:05:44 PM): i loved you Ric. You're right. You did lose a good thing. But then, you lost a lot of girlfriends at once, right?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:06:20 PM): well amber i know u dont believe me but u was the only one I held close to me
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:06:27 PM): and always will
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:06:40 PM): ....
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:07:18 PM): but u have someone else and I have to just deal with that
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:07:24 PM): will you be telling them this too?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:07:40 PM): amber I dont talk to em anymore
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:07:48 PM): I dont even go into chat
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:07:54 PM): I play games and thats all
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:08:05 PM): but you will now that I've said I'm in love with someone else now?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:08:11 PM): no
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:08:42 PM): I guess in my head I was hoping u would someday come back to me but I know better
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:08:55 PM): dumb me
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:09:15 PM): anyway amber u deserve the best
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:09:20 PM): Thank you.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:09:43 PM): hope u got someone who lives close
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:09:54 PM): what does that mean? why?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:10:01 PM): I been getting sicker anyway
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:10:19 PM): but I deserve that
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:11:12 PM): nobody deserves to be sick. Just like nobody deserves to be lied to so magnificently as you lied to me.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:12:01 PM): the only thing I lied about was that u was the only one....when I said I luved u I meant it and I meant I was coming to be with u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:12:13 PM): I couldnt wait for that day
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:12:36 PM): really loved me?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:13:11 PM): but anyway amber u have someone else whos coming to be with u and share ur luv with...and yes amber I loved u more than words could ever say
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:13:23 PM): and I still do
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:13:29 PM): and always will
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:13:55 PM): I yurned to touch u and kiss u and do it all with u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:14:10 PM): even the tongue piercing
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:14:18 PM): even if it did scare me
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:15:07 PM): well, if it had been real, it could have been good. but it wasn't real.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:15:17 PM): it was real
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:15:52 PM): u know what everyday in my head I run the convos we had on the phone and mic in my head
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:16:12 PM): I still remember ur voice
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:16:44 PM): i used to talk with you when you worked at the pub. & there was that time you fell asleep after phone sex. Yeah, I remember too. & then you turned out to have a girlfriend (or girlfriends!) -
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:16:45 PM): so sad.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:17:04 PM): yes amber I fucked up
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:17:09 PM): and yes its sad
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:17:16 PM): but it was always u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:17:24 PM): u was my luv
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:17:35 PM): u will always be the best 1
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:17:56 PM): Ill never forget u amber
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:18:36 PM): well, nice of you to finally share your thoughts with me.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:18:40 PM): u was and will always be luved by me
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:19:10 PM): I crave u still but thats all I will ever do is crave
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:19:31 PM): so you didn't tell people in the rooms that I'm psycho? people said i made it up that we were together.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:19:44 PM): no amber
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:20:01 PM): I never said no such thing
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:20:23 PM): okay.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:20:33 PM): amber I loved u so much I never said a bad thing about u
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:20:52 PM): ....promise? really? you loved me that much?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:21:15 PM): yes i swear on my grandmas grave..I loved u that much and more
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:21:41 PM): remember when you told me that you felt you had your grandparents blessing for us?
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:21:50 PM): that they'd be happy for us to be together? that touched me.
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:21:55 PM): but it wasn't true.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:21:56 PM): amber I still love u more and more
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:22:09 PM): yes it was and trust me I payed for that
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:22:27 PM): I had bad dreams for my hurting u and my familyu
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:23:03 PM): it hurt a lot.t
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:23:06 PM): and Im in my personal hell for it but I needed to come and tell u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:23:24 PM): and tell u that ur still there in my heart
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:23:34 PM): u always will be
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:23:53 PM): I look at ur pic and dream
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:24:01 PM): what might of been
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:24:41 PM): you look at my pic? well, you know, i used to think i was your girlfriend.
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:25:12 PM): so these pics would have been of your girl. but turns out i wasn't your girl. so yeah, dreaming I guess would be all you can do now.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:25:40 PM): listen u was my g/f
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:25:49 PM): the others was just company
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:25:57 PM): u was always my girl
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:26:18 PM): if i was talking to asnyone and u logged in I dropped em and came running to u
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:26:55 PM): okay...
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:26:58 PM): but like u said
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:27:08 PM): Ill have u in my dreams
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:27:18 PM): that will never change
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:27:21 PM): but what about the live in girlfriend? You told me she was the psycho ex who bothered you at work???
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:27:35 PM): well she kinda was
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:27:43 PM): our feelings are dead
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:28:19 PM): does she know about me?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:28:21 PM): amber I realize that I should of came way back when to canada
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:28:49 PM): and Id been happy
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:29:05 PM): she knew
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:29:28 PM): cause she had someone hack my name
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:29:41 PM): oh...
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:29:43 PM): and then they started more shit
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:29:58 PM): but thats then
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:30:01 PM): yeah.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:30:06 PM): its done and gone
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:30:21 PM): and Im here and wanted to talk to u
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:30:44 PM): okay. well. do you feel better now that you've talked to me? or worse?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:30:56 PM): Ill never feel better
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:31:14 PM): u was my life
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:31:26 PM): I woke up everyday to be with u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:31:40 PM): I loved u within deep in my soul
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:31:50 PM): thats why Im here
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:32:24 PM): Ill never be as happy as I was with u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:32:48 PM): I was the happiest when i was with u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:33:22 PM): but I have to fade away again from ur life
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:33:54 PM): and just go back to reading ur journal and looking at ur pics
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:34:13 PM): stalking, lol, in other words, ha!
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:34:30 PM): well no cause I wont be following u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:34:42 PM): but hey Ill not look at ur journal
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:34:44 PM): i was kidding.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:34:50 PM): Ill stay away amber
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:35:15 PM): well, you did stay away. Didn't hear one word from you for months.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:35:30 PM): well amber I was scared
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:35:33 PM): I hurt u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:35:38 PM): and I was scared
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:36:08 PM): ....yes, you hurt me. I'm over it now though.,
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:36:13 PM): I had to come back even if its this 1 time and tell u Iam sorry
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:36:21 PM): You're sorry? for real?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:36:26 PM): and u will always be in my mind
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:36:30 PM): and heart
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:36:45 PM): amber if u could see me my face
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:36:49 PM): u would know
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:37:07 PM): i hurt
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:37:12 PM): i cry
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:37:29 PM): most of all
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:37:36 PM): i still love
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:37:54 PM): do you feel that way for pixie too?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:38:00 PM): never
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:38:03 PM): just u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:38:12 PM): I promise
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:38:29 PM): how about - the other girls?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:38:36 PM): I have dreams bout u and wake and wanna stay asleep
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:38:42 PM): no one else amber
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:39:42 PM): I dream that u and me are laying by each other or whatever and I dont wanna wake
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:40:47 PM): you used to tell me lots of dreams you said you had about us. i believed them.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:40:57 PM): I had em all amber
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:41:03 PM): they all was real
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:41:53 PM): well. that's nice.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:42:03 PM): I still have em
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:42:12 PM): prob always will
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:43:18 PM): amber I miss u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:43:26 PM): I really do
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:43:28 PM): that's good to hear.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:43:40 PM): ok well ummm
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:44:02 PM): I guess Ill go cause Im just bothering u
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:44:30 PM): no, you're not bothering me. I guess this just seems a bit unreal. You know? I didn't hear from you at all for so long. What's a girl to think?
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:44:40 PM): was i your babydoll?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:44:59 PM): u still are amber even though Im nuttin to u
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:46:17 PM): you know, I wondered why you never talked to me when the drama happened. It was all going down & I felt so alone & hurt - & you were supposed to love me - & you never said a word. Until now.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:46:34 PM): I hid
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:46:39 PM): like a coward
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:46:54 PM): I wanted to tell u that I love u still but couldnt
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:46:54 PM): You know, I deserved better.
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:47:02 PM): then to be treated like that.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:47:07 PM): i know
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:47:20 PM): i'm worth more than that.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:47:39 PM): amber u opened a world to me I wanted to expeirence
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:47:54 PM): the love the sex all of it
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:48:31 PM): well, you lost all of it when the truth came out.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:48:39 PM): I know
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:49:21 PM): amber I guess I should just let u go and live ur life with ur new guy.....I just wish it was me
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:49:46 PM): Id go through hell for u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:49:58 PM): but I have to accept my loss
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:51:02 PM): you accept defeat easily - as easily as I fell for your lies! I'm so glad we're past that now. You know, after the weeks of hell I went through when this all came out,
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:51:10 PM): I afterwards felt very relieved.
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:51:48 PM): Relieved that the lie was over. & that I could now be open to have a real love. So thanks for walking into that chatroom that morning & setting off a chainreaction.
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:51:55 PM): It hurt, but was worth it.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:52:09 PM): amber i have to accept defeat
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:52:17 PM): I cant ever have u back
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:52:36 PM): so I have to just bow and fade away
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:52:58 PM): Fade out then. & good luck trying these lines on the other girls, eh?
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:53:10 PM): I just wish I could of kissed u once
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:53:27 PM): amber Im not interested in anyone now
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:53:38 PM): excepy u but thats gone
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:53:44 PM): except*
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:53:58 PM): okay.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:54:14 PM): amber i love u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:54:20 PM): and that wont change
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:54:26 PM): but anyway
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:54:48 PM): .
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:54:55 PM): if u ever wanna chat Ill be here
goldmourn (2/23/2006 9:55:05 PM): okay.
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:55:16 PM): gods I miss u
fire_god007 (2/23/2006 9:55:38 PM): ok bye Im truly sorry
Tags: internet convos

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