goldmourn (amberdawnpullin) wrote,

{myspace is yourspace}

The following is the result of an exchange of emails for which I'm quite thankful. I feel that this dialogue has brought me that much closer to a place of healing and better awareness of Self.

All of the following, except for the concluding quote, was written by me - imagine that!
I was in love too and I think the standards set were impossible because the person didn't accept me for who I am, even though I do my best to accept people as they are, especially those I love or have befriended. In the end, "we are more alike than unalike" to quote maya, but still, when someone is telling you that you have to be someone that you aren't, it results in heartbreak and disaster because try as you might, you can not change who you really are. You can improve yourself, but who is to say that adjusting to someone else's ideals is actually an improvement of any kind? It is more of an adaptation to try to suit their insecurities (because they must be insecure to need you to be someone that you aren't, don't you think?) but with our heart and mind and feelings and the way we can become irrational, we try to be someone we're not in the hopes that we will be loved by that person when, as you stated, it is a big mistake.

I got lost for awhile and forgot who I was. I started to believe I was the negatives and forgot about the positives. And that the negatives are part of me and not necessarily a bad thing. We are all naturally imperfect - that is a part of who we are.

I am of the mind now that I just need to be who I am, know myself and understand myself better, accept myself ...and one day someone will notice - and will love me as I am, and I them.

Friendships - good true friendships - have you ever noticed how your best friend can know the worst things about you, yet love you just the same? It is unquestioned. You are who you are. Why are so many people getting into relationships with people that don't cherish them as a dear friend would?

I am thinking about this as it pertains to myself, and hope that my judgement will be this sound the next time.
Conceptions and expectations and misinterpretations. No one is all right all the time, and no one is all wrong, either. Yes, we have to learn, and yes, inevitably move on. If we don't learn anything from the experience (both good and bad) than we are unlikely to truly move on, but instead just drag ourselves back into a similar situation.
I am of the approach that friends first is important as well. Not only that, I want it to be so that the friendship flourishes after the relationship has begun, because as one gets older, wouldn't you rather be with someone you can be friends with as well for the times when you change, go through changes, experience things and change points of view - a friend can understand that you still need to 'grow' as a person, and that the human experience is ever-changing. Sometimes, when in a relationship, you see your partner in a certain way and you expect them to always be that way, or to be the way that you want them to be, or to never change, or to always be "on" --- when that's usually not how it turns out.

"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself."
- Ralph Ellison, Battle Royal
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