goldmourn (amberdawnpullin) wrote,

poem: I Met Kerouac Today

I Met Kerouac Today

Kerouac, I've heard so much about you and now we're introduced by this compact disc that arrived today "kicks joy darkness" what the hell does that mean I want to know is there another word for tears it's guilt seeping from my eyes tell me what I need to know to get my soul back you can't tell me you're dead just like that and I don't know myself anymore not when it comes to who I thought I was a beginning for me and for my love but an end to something that was so beautiful to me in front of my face all that time there for me and I knew it would be this way I made myself choose when I never had to but I held that fear and knowledge that I am ugly inside and maybe there's not enough love in me so afraid I'll lose it all and it's all sounding like excuses excuses excuses excuses that only bring pain and hate all that I tried so desperately to run away from in the first place don't feel sorry for me I knew I was weak and lazy and too self involved to care enough about those who cared about me I can't assume to know a damn thing about you Kerouac, you let them go too didn't you? maybe there is something to you after all but were you really so honest as the words you left behind how many hearts did you watch break and then steal the words to sound wise and humble just to make yourself feel better to give you false strength to walk away with confidence as you learned to live without it Nice to meet you Jack Kerouac of course I can't be your friend you wouldn't want me anyway but I imagine you with your awareness being a jerk to your closest friends while they tried to understand you did you ever get so tired that you held them down and kicked your darkness in their face I should be sued for my assumptions I meant no offense Kerouac
I meant nothing at all.

ADP 02 September 1999
Tags: poetry & prose

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