goldmourn (amberdawnpullin) wrote,

poem: Loss


I see
that even separated
they remain married
and I stay the strange
step-daughter who keeps
journals smeared with scars
and crinkled pages
once damp with tears

I have dreams of her
where she sets food before me
she is slim, successful and happy
I tell her that he and I
are not doing as well
I try to explain the pain
she left with us
hoping she'll understand
hoping for closure
but the next scene
she is chasing me
into the streets
with her rage at my back
i run blocks past houses
that surely exist
outside this dream, so real
so real, she will kill me!

...she still makes me run...

How can he say he loves her?
How can I?
This woman who made me
stand on the outside through
my years of adolescence
I'm still looking in
though I am an adult
It hurts so bad....
"I miss her too."

ADP 29 July 2000
Tags: dreams & nightmares, poetry & prose

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