I wanted to reveal my past
to a friend who stood with me
in front of the house - the very
house I grew up in.
night time stars above our heads
had her attention - moths caught in
the lamplight - then she disappeared
before we reached the lawn, the door.
By myself, I continued on
stepped into the past with all
the years that were behind me
but oh, I should have known
I will always face my step-mother alone.
Next sequence: After placing rolled socks
in the crack of my bedroom door
I turn the corner only to discover
that my father has another house with
common interest collectibles
piled on display to one side
of the ranch with hardwood floors
and thick tree beams from ground
to ceiling but changed into a hobbit hole
with rooms in a row as I walked
by each one I felt it grow, this
hurt in knowing this place filled the voids
There seemed to be so much more without me.
The last room belonged to a child
a room that could have been mine
but around the block was where
I lived, once a happy place but not
while he was gone I would hear her footsteps
in the hallway and my heart would pound
even if i were still, i was not calm water
fires seemed to burn around me even then
When I sleep I have dreams that remember more than I do.
- adp, revised 24 March 2001 12/13/16 October 2000 / 03 August 2009 @ 11:10pm