September 13th, 2013

alice pulling back the curtain

In my dream I was denied... a sandwich.

Friday, September 13th, 2013.
I exercised today. It started off with my sad attempt at dancing with one of the 'Just Dance' wii games. Later, I did over 40 minutes of wii fit. And wii fit let me know it had been a long time since it last saw me, since I weighed myself. Shameful. I can't believe it's been over two weeks. That sure went by quickly. Then again, we're almost halfway through the month of September. Already?! So here I am trying to kick myself into gear again. I need to kick myself harder.

Watching book haul videos on YouTube. I've bought a lot of books over the past year or so. I need to let myself catch up in my reading before I buy anymore. I cleared out a good number of books a few months ago, paring down my library, donating several to the used bookstore across the street. I'll probably do it again soon, say around Christmastime? That would probably be a good time to do it.

3:40pm In my dreams last night, there was a brief sequence with one of my ex's in it. We were in an expensive and trendy sandwich cafe. I didn't have any money on me and he refused to get me anything. He was eating a grilled sandwich and giving me this "i feel bad for you but i'm not buying you a sandwich" and it bothered me because he was the one who invited me out to lunch with him and his friends and knew that I didn't have any money at the time. This is a dream, mind you, or rather, part of a longer dream. I'm thinking it had something to do with leftover feelings from what I wrote about yesterday about being fine financially. I suppose it also reminded me of a time when I didn't have any, when I couldn't hold my own. In real life, I'm not in a relationship with someone who would make me feel that way or treat me like that in that kind of situation. I earn enough but even when I didn't, I was never made to feel like less and I'm with someone who would happily make sure I had a sandwich, too.

That dream is very simple compared to the nightmares and elaborate sequences I usually have. I faintly recall that much of the dream was actually in the factory, mostly in what used to be 'fixture build' area around the time when I was first hired. Long ago. In a murky past.

4:00pm We had some heat & humidity recently but today there is a beautiful breeze and cool fresh air is moving through the apartment, in one window and out the other. I can't wait for Autumn! I suppose I'm even more excited about this season because of the good things coming up. Things that I'm not quite ready for but when am I ready for anything?

4:14pm My Mom is enjoying 'The Walking Dead' television series. I bought her the first three seasons on dvd and had them delivered to her. She's really into it and I figured she would love it because every time I watched it, I thought this would be a show she'd watch. I liked the marathon AMC aired recently of the series and it made me even more excited about the upcoming season. I like several shows but this is definitely near the top of the list (if I had a list).

4:23pm I hope I have enough medication to last me until my next therapy appointment but I'm not sure that I do.

4:25pm Watching all of these book videos is making me crave a good wanderabout in a bookstore. I think my favourite thing is browsing books, whether it is online (the only way I can get many of the books that interest me due to my locality) or when I find myself in a great bookstore. I hope to eventually make my book room / study / personal library inspire the same kind of feeling that entering a good bookstore does. Narrower and taller shelves would be a start, wall to wall if possible. And I want to get a big cozy reading chair for that room, too.

4:30pm My hair is long now and I'm enough of a klutz that I get stuff in my hair when I'm eating sometimes. Or I'll spill some liquid. It's happening a lot lately. I need to be less clumsy or learn to get my hair out of the way.