April 4th, 2012

you will have to save yourself

save yourself

"The metaphor placed all of us on a doomed and sinking ship, all of us baling water furiously, none of us able to acknowledge that we were going to drown no matter how hard or fast we worked. I did what I felt was right and what no other baler wanted to think about or consider as our only hope for survival; I abandoned the others on the ship, ignored the guilt and shame, admitting to myself how there was no chance for survival unless someone swam for shore."
- from: I Pay Attention

text message i sent to the blog author:
Your blog post is making tears come up and I've only read a ways in.

Plucking that chord I have in me - exact same song re: my parents and how I evolved to think of them.

If my dad does read this, he'd see himself. He used to talk about a rope and how he'd let it go (no matter who was holding on to it) to save himself. I didn't understand it as truth or what he meant back then as I saw a man who did so much for other people all the time - shirt off his back kind of guy -

But he was water baling during the period of recovery just as you did.