September 9th, 2008

alice lost in labyrinth

what a pain!

I hurt my back yesterday morning before work.

The bathroom sink backs up with water (some sort of clog in the drain) and has done so since I moved here in mid-May. I was brushing my teeth bent over the side of the bathtub and that's when I pulled something in my lower back. The place that hurts is across what I call my "upper butt" region. It was painful but I went to work anyway. I was hoping that the walk there would ease it but no, I looked like I was old and constipated the entire night. I even stayed an extra hour at work because I was asked to do so. (I need the money and I love my job!) Also, I figured that I was there being paid and if I went home I'd be sore regardless.

I did the dishes and emptied the overflowing recycling box. (The person I live with) later gave me some tablets that contain a pain reliever with codeine. I had three total last night. This morning I got up to go to the washroom and fill the cat dish. Immediately on getting out of bed it hurt. I stood near the cat bowls with the bag of food in my hand and realized that if I bent down, I'd likely not get up. Afterward, I went to the bathroom and while sitting there I almost passed out from the pain. I made it back to bed but my forehead was drenched with sweat. I called the telehealth line and spoke to a nurse. (This is a government supported help line for health inquiries). She asked me a lot of questions and recommended that I see a doctor within 4 hours. She said it may be a pinched nerve. The only way I could go to the hospital would be by ambulance and that would cost way too much (although I believe I'd be billed for it, I just don't have the money for this). I don't have anyone who could take me and walking was obviously out of the question. There is a walk-in clinic somewhere near Queen and Spadina that I could drop-in on but the most that can likely be done is a prescription for painkillers - and I don't have the money for prescriptions, either.

I fell asleep and had a nightmare.

In the dream, (person I live with) was leaving for work. I was upset that I was alone and in pain. All of a sudden everyone I could think of showed up - family and all my friends, current and previous. Everyone showed up to help me! I was happy that people cared. Then the dreamed changed and people started having a party and I was not included. It was after that I noticed that upstairs was an emergency room, a medical centre of sorts. Doctors were there helping people. I asked for help. No one wanted to help me. I got up on a table and the doctor looked horrified. I saw myself in a monitor screen and I was this grotesque pink monster. The doctors decided to cut off my head. I screamed and they were putting bits of me onto another body. I think that's right about the time that I woke up, worried that my dream was true. I fell back to sleep again. Before (person I live with) went to work he gave me two more dissolved painkillers. I got up and felt less pain, scooped the litter while the hurt is less and took the garbage to the chute down the hall, returned and am now typing this.

What's my plan?

Well, I don't want to miss any work. I think, as a precaution, I'll phone before I leave the apartment and tell them that I'm in pain today. It was apparent that I was hurting yesterday and I told people what happened so it's not like I'm coming up with some random excuse. I've made it obvious that I want to work (very badly!) and I don't think anyone would doubt that. In case the pain gets bad on my way there (and I actually do faint) I am going to have a note on me along with my health card that says what's wrong, what I've taken and when. I'll call in and let them know. They might tell me to stay home but I'm not sure... which is why I ought to phone them soon despite me not starting work until around 3 this afternoon.

I google'd it and yes, it does look like I ought to see the doctor. Also, I have these symptoms as well: "tingling in the buttocks, legs and feet; burning in the leg muscles; weakness in the leg" but thankfully I have full function of my bowels. It looks like the pain should go away on it's own but that I should stay in bed for three days. (I likely won't). The most painful part is getting up and walking around. You know, doing things.

Gah! I am not going to lose this awesome job.

This is stupid. A stupid reminder that I'm pretty much all alone.

Don't remind me.