September 24th, 2004

alice lost in labyrinth

what it is like to want you still

what it is like to want you still

"A person is drawn to an addictive behavior or substance because of the way it affects his or her emotions. It enhances some feelings and numbs out others. Emotional pain is reduced momentarily...and the hope is that it will not come back. Of course, it does."
in clinical terms ---
it is like being an addict

"The classic symptoms of addiction include depression or feelings of doom, nervousness and anxiety, craving for sweets and alcohol, irritability or rages, headaches, weight problems (either way), extreme tiredness or weakness, dizziness or feeling faint, morning nausea, blurred vision, transient muscle aches or joint pain and insomnia and nightmares."
getting through this has not been easy
but eventually you'll be out of my system.

It is not easy to want that. I repeat it to myself daily
like a meditation a mantra a chant to help me focus.

This is my twelve-step plan simplified:

"Both acute and post-acute withdrawal must be allowed to occur without resorting to the addiction."
I'll get over you - even if it kills me.