September 22nd, 2004

alice lost in labyrinth

a dream of many parts

I dreamed today that I was in pieces - a girl that wasn't all there.

I actually felt good after waking. I was lucid dreaming through the final bit of it, since it disturbed me so much, and I worked it all out.

In the dream, I noticed that parts of my body and those of my family and others, where added back on. For instance, at my wrist, if I bent it, it would nearly come off - it was seamless, but it was barely attached. I could see bone and blood. The same went for other parts of my body. I asked 'why?' as this had apparently been done to me without my (conscious) knowledge.

People were explaining to me (in the dream) of how they are able to have the bodies they had when they were younger and of how they felt better. This was a procedure along the lines of cosmetic surgery - the ultimate extreme makeover. It was then, I noticed that, I too, had an 'improved' body. The feet I had when I was younger (when I would run barefoot across pine needle strewn hiking trails, calloused feet, the heat of summer pavement while I ran and skipped down sidewalks) and my hands, oh my hands...

My hands were from years before I had ever experienced severe contact dermatitis (to where at one point, in real life, from my allergic reaction to work, my palms had become rivers of blood and weeping flesh) and so it was that the various pieces of me were the ones of innocence - before maturity or pain or awareness.

At the end of the dream, this replacing of limbs was brought to the attention of everyone (in the guise of a video presentation, ha!) but before that, I noticed open caskets cluttered in a room. In one of them was my father. I noticed him and felt sad immediately, but he turned his head slightly to look at me (not in a creepy way) and smiled - then rolled over as to go back to sleep. He wasn't dead. Yes, he had an aged and hurting body - but he was content and more complete than those of us who had replaced parts.

I thought about this, as I was waking, that this was a good dream. I have realized that I am fine as I am and that even in pieces, I am aware of my Self. Do you know what I mean? I feel as though I have been moved a step forward.

I am in pieces, yes, but I am becoming more aware and conscious of the parts that make me.

I am finally on the path again. How can I tell?
The bones. La Que Sabe is showing me the bones.