May 12th, 2002

doctor who places you will go

In part of my dreams Gwen was writing me -

Sunday, May 12, 2002

I got myself out of bed just after 9am but I had been awake for a little while thinking about whether I wanted to get up up or not - my bladder decided for me. Last night I had been laying on the small couch with my chin on the coffee table, writing in my paper journal and watching tv, when I realized I was exhausted and was not going to stay up to watch 'Saturday Night Live' after all. I was in bed by 11:30pm.

Today is a rainy Mother's Day. I hope Mom stops by today because I have something for her...

In part of my dreams Gwen was writing me - I was reading her letter in a book, the words appearing as though she was writing me that very moment. I didn't know what had changed her mind but I was happy to be reading her words again. I had a difficult time in parts of my dream with my legs. This isn't the first time I've had that. Having problems with my legs is a reoccurring theme from time to time in my nightmares. It's usually very difficult for me to be able to walk, to stay standing on my legs. While trying to walk down the street, which so happened to be one in St. Thomas, my hometown, I was talking to Guy as though on a cellphone but it was a headphone set. People were around as this was near one of the high schools, and I looked like I was talking to myself, but I wasn't. And sometime later around there I had the little book open in which Gwen's letter to me was being written. There was a lot of other stuff but I'm forgetting it all. Seeing as how more than one dream occurs during sleep, I've forgotten most all of them. Just remembering one part... the high school... shooting going on... some men with guns... running throughout the school to try and find a place to be safe (because they had people situated near the doors) and seeing people get shot... and a straw fell at my feet indicating they had seen me... I'd nearly been hit by a straw? In another part I was bugging this man about my ideas for a book dealing with music and I was talking so fast and excitedly about my idea as we walked down the street - he was trying his best to get away from me. My ideas were great and I was thinking to myself about how happy I am when I can share my creative ideas... I remember thinking that thought.

"I've got my spine... I've got my orange crush..." - R.E.M.

I'm listening to FM 96. I should probably take my meds and get some breakfast. Yep, I think I'll do that...
doctor who places you will go

how I dream of Penwarden St. from time to time

I went over to Mom & Bryan's place today. While Mom & I played a few games of Jenga, I told her of how I dream of Penwarden St. from time to time. I mentioned to her that recently I dreamed of the bathroom having a board blocking the entrance but you could see in at the bottom because there was a space and the light was on... the bathroom was exactly as I remember it from when I was eleven years old. It was weird that two other bathrooms were put upstairs instead while the one that had always been there and seemed perfectly fine was blocked off for some reason. I have dreamed of Penwarden St. many times over the years and this was a situation that I don't recall happening before. In reality, the same as in the dream, the apartment on Penwarden St. was two stories and part of a house - sorta like a duplex but obvious in that it was a house that was divided later on. There was something about the other apartment in the building that bothered me ~ both in my dreams over the years and in real life... Today, after telling Mom about the bathroom being boarded up, she told me that there had been renovations done and that the people next door had taken down a wall in the one bedroom and discovered a bathroom! This bathroom was even unknown to the landlord (who wasn't the original owner of the place) and so this was a surprise to everyone. I must've kept the event deep down in my subconscious and it just came out that way in my dream, with the bathroom that was ours being the one hidden instead... It makes ya wonder though, just why was the bathroom boarded up in the first place? Maybe when the house was split in two they wanted to make sure that each side had only one bathroom, and thus boarded up the one bathroom on the one side? Or could it be for another reason more disturbing, eh? All I know is that when I was over there after they had discovered it, I didn't have a good feeling about it at all. I was eleven years old and therefore I don't remember much of it though. The couple that lived there ended up breaking up shortly after the renovation but got back together sometime later after they moved, my Mom had said. In any case, it was interesting to learn that my dream the other night may have had some basis in real life.

In other news... I really, really, really miss Guy. Guy and I have been together through some difficult and life-altering time periods in both of our lives. How we have managed to make it through everything - and keep our passion for one another - continues to amaze me.