January 16th, 2001

alice lost in labyrinth

poem: It was like reading a book

It was like reading a book

on january 12th I had several nightmares
that ended with a woman being murdered in a car
but I think that was after I was trying to escape
these vampiric creatures hounding me
I run out of a warehouse and into a parking lot
where I see a car with headlights on
so I think, "I can drive away from my demons"
but then it was like reading a book
and I knew how she died her eyes gouged out of their sockets
too much blood to tell where her death began before her last breath
and I want to help her but too late now
how can I get away from this
and from here it looks like she is still inside
I was wrong and discover that I am in the car
telepathically told that I will die the same way
and no I can not get away
can't stop the dream
so I make myself not feel it
send my mind away so I'm not in it
singing lalala with my hands over my ears
but the killing doesn't stop
it is slow and cruel and it is laughing at me
as it keeps repeating the same scene
I get the feeling it won't stop until I feel it
I don't want to feel it I don't want to feel it
I try to think of what I can do
It knows this and tells me that death won't stop until
I give up I wake up in the lit bathroom
I think about the dream perhaps I should have screamed
let myself be weak
and I'm thinking about the woman
hoping that maybe she didn't feel it
maybe she could fight it
maybe she was me.

16 January 2001 ADP
alice lost in labyrinth

poem: Walking to Work

Walking to Work

6:30 a.m. - the time of morning
where I can see my shadow
passing me on the hydro wires
I had to stop and get
my pen and paper
from my backpack
trying not to drop it all
into the water at my feet
puddles in my socks
making footprints
in a thin layer of snow
through rural town streets
melting fast
soaking through
old running shoes
rarely run in but worn out
slept last night
barely
to dream
of waking up
and here I am
writing poetry
by streetlight
listening to
"The Tragically Hip"
on my walkman
one of those mornings
when you know
everything will work out alright
you are not completely gone
only looked back once
to watch my steps
thought to myself,
"at least I am getting somewhere"
the moment going to my head.

16 January 2001 ADP