September 6th, 2000

alice lost in labyrinth

poem: unresolved


what seem to you
to be just words
are to me a reminder
of a past painfully unresolved
one statement,
"i'll slap you"
throws me back
into years of memories
where I was
on the floor
arms over my face
please stop... i'll be good... i won't tell anybody... i promise... please stop
i later learned not to plead but to negotiate
with someone who would tell me,
"if you don't stop that crying I'll give you something to cry about
you'll think that was nothing compared to what I'll do to you
if you don't keep that mouth shut"

and you weren't even there
you didn't even believe it happened
until you heard the tape i recorded
ages after it started
when i knew i couldn't take anymore
i pressed the button
behind my back
before she knocked me to the ground
slid down to the carpet beside my bed
my body shaking not with fear but
excitement - i would have proof
i would make them believe me
why couldn't my words have been enough?
and now, ten years later I asked you,
you believe that she beat me right?
"yes, of course I do"
was there ever a time when you didn't believe me?
"yes, that is until I heard for myself from that tape recording...
she had us all fooled you know"
and now, what seem to you
to be just words
put me back in that place
with that person
where these fears, this pain
remain unresolved.

ADP 03/06 September 2000