goldmourn (amberdawnpullin) wrote,

the day before the first of the month

Wednesday, February 28th, 2018.
It's the last day of February which means tomorrow is RENT DAY. I am a lot more on edge when it comes to the 1st of the month for multiple reasons. The main one is that rent is a lot more here - though people are feeling the pain of increased rent all over the place as the income to rental cost ration is out of control (and more often out of reach) - but yes, the increase of rent we're paying compared to my hometown is something to adjust to - while not impossible, the first several months of not having it figured out was rough. There is no regret in moving to Toronto and paying more in rent - it's totally worth it - and thankfully we got here before rent increased all the more - (though husband pointed out that if we had moved back when I had wanted to, we'd be paying even less - but let's not dwell on what didn't happen and be grateful we returned when we did) - and did I mention the view? It is not taken for granted.

When I would sit in my book room in my hometown (and yes, I was fortunate to be able to use the second bedroom of the apartment we had there as a book room all for myself with my computer desk set up and such) but when I would sit there and write or think about writing but more often think about how I wanted to be living in Toronto again, I never once imagined that when I got back here, I'd have my desk in front of a view like this. To think there's a balcony as well! That worked out so well for us, given that we had a balcony at the previous place and we have the furniture for it. My current desk being placed where it is, I can peek up over my computer and see the CN Tower lit up, a symbol for me having come from small towns in Ontario, of The Big City. I think the fact that it's so connected to this city in my mind - an iconic part of the skyline - I think that's why none of my previous experiences there have tarnished how I feel when I look at it, when I see it in the daytime or night, when I admire the view.


What we're paying for rent is a lot. But it's so worth it. Even husband, who has felt the pressure more due to work and the reality of less income and more rent, he's said he doesn't miss the other place. The cats are over it as well. They have floors with heating or cooling, depending on the temperature. Windows with activity of birds and a big sky. The glittering lake from the bedroom with traffic moving way down below. The sun and moon move around our corner apartment. It's lovely.

11:47pm I didn't think I type over 500 words in one paragraph but I just did! Going to have to split it up a bit when I go to post this entry. My only intention was to get back to writing again - to the beginning again of writing - with the mindset that I will write every day in the month of March. I know I've stated that I would type a post every day in previous months but one of these times I'll do it. I've done it before. I had a writing streak of over 180 days before so I'm sure I can do it again. It's just a matter of when. This could be Day 1 of many days, who knows? One of these attempts will be the Day 1 of a long-time writing streak, of a writing routine and ritual for myself. I'd like it to begin today. I'll try. I keep trying. I'll keep trying. That's what I do.

11:51pm I love my current paper journal (number forty-one) and so I hope to finish filling the pages of it soon and I want to make a vlog for it to share with the journaling community on YouTube. I think it's a neat little journal that turned out differently than I expected it to as I glued in a lot of clippings from a few newspapers. I am usually just a text-only journaler but decided to give this a go and wouldn't have thought I'd do it in such a small sized journal but that is what I did. No idea what journal I'll write in next - I select from my collection of blank journals - but I'll likely decide as I film the video once I'm done my current paper journal. That's how I went about it last time and I think it's a neat way to figure it out - in the moment - and might be interesting to other people who keep paper journals to see my process at the moment.

365 Days (2018): Day 57

An update about book reading - there has been nothing so far this year. I've continued to read poetry magazine, innumerable online content and bits of newspapers - but I haven't finished a book at all. I've had a couple that I've cracked open, read a few pages and while interested, not fallen into. I take full responsibility for this. I know it's my concentration, or lack thereof. My mind has been elsewhere. All over the place. Everywhere. Nowhere. Dryspell.

365 Days (2018): Day 59

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