i'm not going to think about you.
AND OTHER LIES I TELL MYSELF
so grumpy today when thinking about how Thanksgiving is a few days away and here i am, fucking fasting. friends wanted to make us dinner but i had to decline. she said, but you can have some of the turkey broth and i said no, i could not. the taste of that would make me want to eat everything. i know myself.
refusal to undo the progress i am making even if it hurts
and it does hurt. but only when i think about it too much.
correction: only when i want anything too much.
the bubbles in a little bottle tied with string that i took with permission from a tree on
king street at night in downtown Toronto. the statement "yes" taped to the side of it.
the power in that.
i'm more honest in my paper journal because no one can hear what i say there.
you always thought i talked too much.
if i would have been the one to use silence, i could have had the control.
now we know neither one of us has it. not really.
did we ever?
- adp, 12 October 2013